Thomas Barclay

Before we left we were asked had we identified so closely with the people of Kenya that we in essence had become Kenyan. Specifically in praying for Kenya, but also in our preparation, we were supposed to take the time and learn of the culture and leave our American identity behind. Yet, for me becoming more like a Kenyan and even more like a CFC summer mission team member were two identities that I was unwilling to assume because of my selfishness and pride. Through this unwillingness, God showed me my lack of love for my team and the people of Kenya but provided enough grace to instruct me on how to love others.

It was clear that during intensive training I had a problem with loving my team and I really struggled in developing a relationship with them. My many possible excuses such as not knowing any of the team beforehand or being the only African American were things I used to justify my desire to distance myself from the team as much as possible. Even after being on the field for weeks, I remember thinking that after returning home, I would probably never have a meaningful relationship with any of my teammates. Unknowingly, this problem of not loving my team was preventing me from loving those we were ministering to while in Kenya.

Body worship, vacation bible school, and even small groups with the pastors were hard, not in itself, but because I felt as though I was doing it alone. I did not consider myself a member of the team nor did I want to be. Yet, passages such as 1 John 4:7-8, 20-21 challenged me to consider my heart towards God and those around me. I kept asking myself how could I love God or the people of Kenya and spread the Gospel if I was unable to love the members of my team.

It wasn't until I finally asked my team to join me in prayer about this issue that my heart began to open. I started to see each member of my team as valuable and necessary and God established it so that when this happened I also saw the people of Kenya as valuable. In Pokot, a northwestern area of Kenya, I discovered the difference between being cordial and really having an attitude of love and compassion. The needs of the children, the school, and congregation became things that I deeply cared about. I realized that God had created a desire to love in my heart.

It was a total perspective change as I learned that for weeks I had failed to show the love of Christ. I had not seen the importance of surrendering and partnering with my team in being ambassadors for God. Neither had I seen that the devastating implications of things such as poverty and the tribal warfare were my problem because I was a brother to the Kenyan believers. Yet, God proved himself faithful to the promise of conforming believers to image of his Son because he placed the love of Christ in me. I'm so thankful that God allowed me to go to Kenya to better learn the task of dying to self because without this experience there would be no way that I could love my family, friends, or the lost around me.